Lost

What perspective do I stick with? “Stop it, you’re suffocating me” or “There’s no diamond without pressure”?

Over the past two years, I’ve been in the learning phase of software development, oscillating between the “I think I am getting good” and “You imposter” poles. I feel breath-deprived from my thoughts. Taking a step back to contemplate my trajectory on Earth, I find myself lost, hoping that “the dots will connect in the future.”

Not to be overly pessimistic, but I sure did learn a thing or two, like “Build, Don’t Tell” and “Learn it, don’t stop! Build.” In the middle of 2022, I picked up React, almost a year after venturing into web development. Then, I added NodeJS to my stack, envisioning myself as a MERN stack developer. However, a duty call from school (semester 2) interrupted my plans. I had to learn three entirely different things, namely C#, Java, and MySQL.

Despite preparing to delve into the MERN world, I paused my journey to learn new things, most of which I haven’t used for various reasons. Java was an exception, thanks to a note app I built a week back. In the first quarter of 2023, at the age of 16, I lost my mom. Though I believe I’m fine, her absence has limited the freedom I once had. She plays a part in this story; certain things might have been easily avoided if she were with me.

Lately, it’s been more about concepts than hands-on coding due to my weak laptop battery and, I confess, my waning will to live. Pardon me; I know this writing is all over the place, but here’s my point: “Knowledge isn’t meant to be absorbed but should be a constant companion, making her a part of you as you acquire her.”

I feel lost because I realize I’ve filled myself with too much information, simultaneously creating a prison with information I won’t be using now. My exploration of Java helped a lot in learning new concepts; I’m particularly enamored with types. I learned MSSQL sometime in 2022 to the start of 2023, failed to apply what I learned, and lost nearly 70% of what I once knew like the back of my hand. The year 2023 was a roller coaster emotionally, mentally, and in terms of software. However, as I write this, I sense some dots connecting, and my goals are becoming clear once again.

I’ll stick with NodeJS for reasons I find acceptable (though I wish I had started with PHP). I’ll be glad to learn something new when the need arises. Before you go, I’d like to say:

“Build it, Don’t Tell”

“Learn It, Use It, Know It”

“Don’t Absorb Knowledge, Utilize It”

“It’s okay to be lost, but never lose hope in the dots connecting in the future.”